Monday Morning Memo

Our hearts, our thoughts, and our prayers go out to the people of Newtown, CT.  This tragedy elicits the worst fears of parents, teachers and administrators in thinking that innocent children and adults could be the victims of a deranged killer, while feeling safe within their school environment.  We want to assure you that here at St. Paul’s, we take precautions to protect your children:

-          A locked facility

-          Security guards when students are on campus

-          Privacy shades in classrooms to block views into them when they are drawn

-          Annual lockdown drills

-          Teachers and administrators who would do anything to protect your children

-          Assistance from a responsive police force.

But this sanctity can be violated, as we saw at Sandy Hook Elementary School. It is incumbent upon all of us to work to keep our children safe without allowing them or us to become unduly frightened every time they are outside our vision.  Your children’s safety is foremost in our minds and we will review again our safety procedures to ensure that we are doing all we can without creating an environment that is too restrictive for the children, parents and guests.

            Note:  Because of the heightened sensitivity and fears at this time, we will not hold a lockdown drill this week.  Our teachers know the procedures and are prepared, but we’d like to allow the children to enjoy this holiday week, which will include many prayers for the families of Newtown.  Here are some ideas that may help you in talking with your child(ren).

TALKING WITH CHILDREN ABOUT TRAGEDY
Images from school shootings saturate our televisions, radios and conversations, calling to mind other dark days. When this kind of violence happens, it is important to talk with our children, but it is often difficult to know what to say. Here are some suggestions that may help…

• First and foremost, children need to be reassured that they are safe. Children often experience anxiety, fear and a personal sense of risk. Limit television viewing for younger children, especially those of preschool age. It is very difficult for young children to process images and messages in news reports. Let children know that tragic events are not our everyday experience and that the adults who love them will always try to take care of them. (ie – “I know you are scared. I am too. It’s a scary thing that happened, but I love you and I will always do my very best to make sure that you are safe.”)
  
• Just like adults, children will have varied reactions. They may ask lots of questions, cling to parents or exhibit behavior of younger children, have stomachaches or headaches, or may have difficulty sleeping or have nightmares. Older children and adolescents may make inappropriate jokes or glib comments or direct their anger and frustration at other seemingly unconnected situations. All of these are various ways of dealing with tragedy.Expect and give permission for a wide range of reactions. It is important to validate your child’s feelings and not try to explain to them why they should feel another way. Many children will need more physical affection and one‐on‐one time with parents.
  
• The best plan for discussion is to talk honestly, but without a lot of graphic detail. Be gently concrete and truthful when answering questions. Be careful of using euphemisms for death such as the people “passed” or “went to sleep” or “went away”. These may send scary messages to younger children who wonder if they might go to sleep and not wake up or if their parents will go away forever.
  
• Be aware of where your child is developmentally. Preschool children may see death as reversible, temporary or impersonal. Children between ages 5‐9 are beginning to realize that death is permanent but may still think they could escape through their own ingenuity or efforts. From age 9 or 10 through adolescence, children begin comprehending fully that death is irreversible, that all living things die, and that they too will die someday.
  
• Reinforce your family’s values. This is a good time to talk about your family beliefs regarding the sanctity of life or helping others. Reiterate your position as a person of faith and don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know why this happened” or “I just don’t know how to answer that.” Also be aware that some religious explanations that may comfort adults may unsettle a child. For example, saying “It must have been God’s will” or “Those people are with God now” might be frightening to a child who may worry that God could decide to come get them. Assure them that God loves us and is present as we struggle to understand.
  
• If they don’t want to talk, give them other options. If your child doesn’t want to talk much about the incidents and you suspect they may be worrying about things they can’t articulate, you might ask them to draw pictures or talk about what feelings they think other people might be having. This gives the child an opportunity to gain some distance to what they themselves are feeling. If your child doesn’t want to talk about the events at all, they may not need to talk and you might just take a walk with them or read them a book or give them a hug to let them know you care about them and how they are feeling.
  
• Remind children of safety procedures. Talk about measures that are already in place, such as police, fireman, authorities and policies at school for dealing with danger, etc. Talk with them about safety plans that might make them feel more comfortable. Keep talking with them even after the media coverage subsides.
  
• Keep your schedule normal. In as much as it is possible, try to continue with family routines such as dinnertime or bedtime rituals. Children (and adults) can often find some comfort by connecting with some sense of normalcy, even in the midst of chaos and fear.
  
• Find a way to participate in rebuilding or reconciliation. Times of tragedy bring out both the worst in people and the best in people. Help your children by making a conscious choice to take part in caring for others and helping where you can. Get involved in a neighborhood watch or a community campaign. Doing something concrete helps us feel like we are part of the solution and it a definitive statement of hope and rebirth. 

When we respond to tragedy, our feelings may be intense and varied. Give your children and yourself some time to adjust. There are no magic words, no “right answer” – just be with your children and talk with them. Remember there are people available to help you – your school counselors, as well as community agencies and professional counselors who are specially trained to deal with situations like this; and there are many resource people in the church who can be of tremendous help and comfort in a time of tragedy. [Tracy Herger, Leader Resources]

Our Christmas programs last week were beautiful, entertaining, upbeat, and delightful showcases for the talents of our students and teachers!  The children sang with pride and enthusiasm, led by Mrs. Everly, Mrs. Rousey and Mrs. Haskamp.  What wonderful gifts to all of us these programs are!  Each year we exceed the previous year’s attendance records – a happy problem with which to have to deal.

Our final program of the season will be this week and it will be outstanding because of the first and second grade performers.  Mrs. Haskamp will lead the students in this final tribute to the Christmas season in the north wing multipurpose room at 9:00 a.m. on Wed., Dec. 19.  Come join the fun!

Without a doubt, you, the families of St. Paul's, are our best ambassadors in the community.  As you visit with neighbors, co-workers, friends, and clients this holiday season, please remind them that applications are now being accepted for new students for the 2013-14 school year.  Your referrals are vital to our school community.  If you know of a family that is interested in inquiring about St. Paul's for their child(ren), please refer them to Jill McGee in Admissions:  816-268-6542 or Admissions@speds.org

If you are planning on applying for tuition assistance for the 2013-2014 school year:

·        Applications will be accepted November 1 – January 15. Priority will be given to applications that are completed (including supporting documentation) by January 15.

·        The application process begins online, at www.factstuitionaid.com.

·        After completing the online portion of the application, you will need to mail or fax in all required supporting documentation.

St. Paul’s will try to answer questions regarding the online application process, but, since this is not our program, may be unable to do so. If you need assistance with the online application, help is available from FACTS via telephone (866-315-9262) or email (info@factstuitionaid.com) Monday – Thursday, 10:00 – 7:00; and Friday, 10:00 – 5:00.

Spirit Day is this Friday so take the opportunity to show your St. Paul’s Spirit!  Students will be participating in parties on and off campus and we’re proud to let everyone know about our school and the students of whom we are so proud.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a beautiful start to the New Year!  We’ll be hugging our children more tightly, appreciating the light they bring to our lives, and praying for those who grieve this holiday season.